


Safety Not Guaranteed

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 11:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elijah's feeling anxious so he calls the one person who can help him find peace again... his Sam now and forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safety Not Guaranteed

He sat staring out the window. It was a nice view even though he couldn't see the ocean. The trees and plants in his yard were flowering beautifully and the effect was deeply calming. Almost serene. He loved this house, and though he was excited and eager to spend time at his new place in Austin, he knew he would never let go of this property. It _was_ his home in LA. So many memories were contained within these walls. Great times he'd shared with family... with friends... with... 

Elijah sighed. _**That...**_ , he told himself sharply, _is what you get for looking at too damn many New Zealand photos!_ He toed his way out of his shoes and kicked them toward the entry-way. "Why am I feeling like this?" 

There was an ache inside him. An emptiness. Fear was a hollowed out barrenness gnawing at his insides. "You're being irrational!" he said to the walls, then stood and moved purposefully up the stairs to his bedroom. 

He stripped off his t-shirt and jeans then sprawled on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He stared for a long time then suddenly decisive, he picked up his cell phone. 

"Hi!" he said after a moment. "Yeah, it's me. What're you up to?" He swung his feet over the side of the bed and sat up. "That's cool, Sean!"

Silence.

"Oh, you know, busy with Wilfred and other stuff."

A beat, then: "Yeah. I have a favor to ask. No, no. Nothing's wrong. I just need - I need you to do this for me, Sean."

Silence, then: "Well, that's good to know, Seanie. Thanks."

Silence.

"Oh! Yeah. You need to know the favor!" A quick laugh. "Well, it's this. I need you to come over to my house and talk with me for awhile. Yes, this house. Of course, this house! Did you think I was asking you to catch a plane?"

Silence.

"Yes, I'm here."

Silence.

" Sean, you don't need to ru- I mean it's not an emerg-"

Silence.

"OK, then that's cool. Thanks Seanie. I'll be here. Just buzz the back gate."

Elijah hung up the phone and reached for his jeans, donning them slowly. "Damn!" he muttered. "I'm going to sound like a stupid fucking jerk." He snagged his t-shirt from the floor and threw it on as he headed for the stairs.

He returned to the kitchen and busied himself brewing a pot of coffee. It was almost 30 miles from Sean's house to Venice Beach, and Elijah figured that gave him at least 40 minutes before Sean arrived.

He flipped on the coffee maker and smiled. Sean always wanted coffee. Even at three AM it would be the first thing he asked for when he showed up. Elijah didn't know how he slept at night, but the caffeine didn't seem to affect him. At least not like that. It made him a bit hyper at times, but hell, that was Sean even without coffee.

He wondered if he should make something for them to eat. "What've I got?" he mused, peering into his freezer. "Frozen pizza maybe? Ummm, no. Not enough. Sean could eat three like this all by himself." He froze and lifted his head. "But as skinny as he is now, he's probably just sucking on celery sticks." He sighed and slammed the freezer door shut. "He gets coffee. If he wants pizza let HIM bring it."

He fell into a kitchen chair and began to worry a fingernail. _Why am I already annoyed with him?_ he wondered. _The way I'm feeling isn't his fault._ He glanced impatiently at his watch. "Fuck!" he exploded. "This was a stupid idea!" His hand jerked toward the cell-phone lying on the table, then stopped. "No," he said softly. "He's already half-way here. No point trying to wave him off now."

His kitchen began to fill with the aroma of brewing coffee. Elijah rose and grabbed two large mugs. He sat them on the counter, then glanced at his watch again and sighed. "I want what I can't have," he said sadly. "At least where Sean's concerned." He reseated himself and went back to nibbling on a fingernail. "I wish I could forget," he murmured. "I wish I could forget what it was like back then."

He scrubbed his hands through his hair then pressed his fingers to his forehead as if trying to hold off a headache. He leaned forward a bit, staring down at the floor, then nearly jumped out of his skin, startled by the strident sound of his back gate's buzzer. "Jesus!" he said, leaping to his feet. "He's here already? Can't be!"

He moved quickly to the speaker and pushed a button. "Hello?"

"Let me in, Elwood," Sean's voice replied.

"How did you -," Elijah began, then stopped. "Never mind." He pressed the button that unlocked the gate and moved to the back door to let Sean in.

"Hey, dude," Sean said in greeting. He moving quickly to the utility room then into the kitchen before turning to face Elijah. "How you doing? You OK?"

"I'm fine," Elijah replied. "How the hell did you get here so fast? You must have run every red light between here and Calabasas."

"I wasn't home when you called. I was on my way back from Hollywood." Sean flopped into a kitchen chair and stared at Elijah expectantly.

"Ahh. Want some coffee?"

"Yeah," Sean said, smiling. "And then would you please sit and tell me what's going on."

"Cream?" Elijah asked, as he filled Sean's mug. "Sugar?"

"Elijah, forget the damned coffee. Just sit the fuck down and tell me what's going on."

Elijah gave him his coffee and took the seat opposite him. For a moment he simply stared. Sean was in jeans and a grey suit jacket. He was thinner than Elijah had seen him in years. "You're looking skinny as all bloody hell," he observed mildly.

"I should," Sean said with a grin. "I've run a distance equivalent to Apollo Eleven's trip to the moon and back in the past year or so." He sipped his coffee. "Is that why I'm here, Elijah? To be complimented on my weight?"

"I said you were skinny. I didn't compliment you."

"You don't like skinny?"

"I liked you better when you looked like Sam."

"So I'm here to be chastised?"

"NO!"

"Then why AM I here, Elijah?" Sean asked softly. "Please tell me what's bothering you. I know something is... tell me."

Elijah sighed. "I'm sorry, Seanie. I'm being a dick to you and I don't mean to be. I'm embarrassed about calling you and embarrassed about why and I'm taking it out on you."

Sean drew in a deep breath and set his coffee mug on the table. He scooted his chair until it was right beside Elijah's then slowly reached for his hand. His movement was hesitant, as though he expected Elijah to jerk away. But Elijah merely gazed at him. He allowed his hand to slip into Sean's without resistance, but his face grew puzzled. _How did THIS happen?_ , he wondered. And yet his hand remained, warmly enfolded in Sean's larger one. He felt the strength in Sean's fingers as they tightened around his and shivered. 

"Tell me what's wrong," Sean whispered. "You're scaring me a little."

"Remember back in New Zealand when I used to have panic attacks now and then?"

"Of course I remember."

"You never, ever said one word about those attacks."

Sean shrugged, his thumb sliding slowly - caressingly - over the back of Elijah's hand. "What was there to say?"

"Elijah Wood had panic attacks and I was his hero because I'd hold him until he stopped shaking and crying like two year old?" Elijah suggested sarcastically.

"Stop it!" Sean said roughly. "Stop it right now. You were seventeen years old and had the full fucking weight of a multi-million dollar franchise on your back. I would have peed my fucking pants. All you did was have a mild panic attack now and then."

Elijah gave him a small smile. 

"Why would you talk about it that way?" Sean asked softly. "Why would you be so hard on yourself? Who else knew about your attacks?"

"No one."

"And you thought I'd talk about it to other people?" Sean asked somewhat incredulously. 

"No!" Elijah said quickly. "I honestly didn't think that, Sean. I only brought it up because that's what happened tonight... or started to happen anyway."

"You had a panic attack tonight?" Sean asked, leaning closer to Elijah.

"Yeah."

"And that's why you called me."

Elijah nodded, then sighed. "I know it seems stupid, but I remembered having those panic attacks before. How you always made me feel so - so safe. So - protected." He glanced at Sean somewhat shyly then lowered his head. "I guess I was wishing I could feel that way again."

Sean touched his face, gently tipping his head up until he was once again gazing into Sean's eyes. For a long time neither of them spoke, then Sean broke the silence. He spoke hesitantly, in a voice as dark and soft as black velvet. "Do you have any idea," he whispered, "how much that means to me? That you'd think of me that way after all this time?"

"Why did you take Alexandra with you to Comic-Con?" Elijah asked suddenly.

Sean dropped Elijah's hand and sighed. For a long time he sat quietly with his head lowered, then he lifted his eyes to Elijah's once again. "She thought you'd be there," he confessed. 

Elijah nodded. "Still, huh."

"Yeah," Sean said flatly. "Still."

"Jesus," Elijah moaned sadly. "Imagine what she'd do if he knew about THIS!" 

Sean shrugged dismissively. "Would it surprise you to learn that I don't much give a fuck?"

Elijah's eyes flew open in shock. "It would surprise the hell out of me!"

Sean abruptly stood. He took Elijah's hand in his and walked to the living room couch. Once seated he drew Elijah down beside him. "I hope this OK with you," he murmured, then casually draped his arm about Elijah's shoulders.

Elijah glanced up at him and smiled. "It is OK." He drew in a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, relaxing against Sean's body. They fit together so perfectly, as though they melted into each other the moment they touched. _I can actually **feel** us becoming one again,_ , Elijah thought. _Like putting a Christmas toy together. Slide tab A into slot B. Perfect._

Sean pressed a soft kiss to his temple and sighed. "God, this feels so fucking good."

"I was just thinking the same thing. Feels... I dunno... 'right' somehow. And that's what I was thinking earlier too." He gave a short laugh. "Thinking how empty and scared I felt and then remembering how good it felt when we were close like this in New Zealand."

Sean hummed in appreciation and agreement, then after a long period of contented silence he spoke again: "Why were you scared tonight? What scared you?"

"Oh, I dunno," Elijah said shortly. "I feel like a jerk about it. I think it was just... everything. Buying the Austin house, selling the Santa Monica house, SpectreVision, Simian, Mom's leaning on me a bit about becoming over extended while Hannah is bugging me for money to start yet another company.... all of it, I guess." He sighed heavily. "I've just felt a bit overwhelmed and..." He stopped.

"And what?" Sean asked, nuzzling against his hair.

"And I really didn't have anyone I could talk to about it."

"You could have talked to me," Sean said softly.

"Right. And have your wife threaten to take everything you own and love away from you... _again_ ," Elijah replied. "What? The first three or four times weren't bad enough?" He shook his head. "I'm disgusted with myself for talking to you NOW! All it does is set you up for unhappiness."

"Lij, don't."

"I mean what's next? You'll have to drag one of your daughters along when you go take a leak?"

"But you called me anyway."

Well...," he gazed up at Sean and suddenly grinned. "What can I say? I'm weak."

Sean twisted a bit sideways and cradled Elijah's face in his hand. He pressed his lips together then took a deep breath as if gathering his courage. "Listen," he said, his voice nearly a whisper. "Could I maybe - I mean would it be OK with you if I - ermm...," 

Elijah giggled. "What?? The suspense is killing me!"

Sean giggled too. He held his finger down out of Elijah's sight, and when he lowered his head to see what Sean was doing, he flipped it up against Elijah's nose. "Smart ass!" Sean teased.

"Come on. Out with it. What were you going to say? Would I mind if you... WHAT? Fucked my sister? Gave me a blowjob? What??"

"Elijah!" Sean sputtered. "Jesus! Fucked your sister??" He pulled a shocked face. "That's disgusting!"

"OK, then," Elijah said with another giggle. "What the hell were you gonna say?"

"I was -," he stopped and gave an exasperated sigh. "Jesus, you make this hard enough! I was going to ask if you'd mind if I kissed you."

"I sorta figured it was something like that," Elijah said softly. "No, I wouldn't mind. But I don't want to start all that up again, Seanie. I can't deal with the price Chris makes you pay when she knows you're seeing me. It's just too hard on both of us."

"I didn't ask for your hand in marriage, Frodo. I just asked for a kiss."

"We gotta stop meeting this way," Elijah replied dryly, and they burst into simultaneous laughter.

Sean tightened his arm drawing Elijah closer and smiled happily when he felt Elijah turn sideways to nestle against him, one hand moving to rest on Sean's chest, just over his heart.

"We really do seem to..."

"Fit together well?" Elijah finished.

"Yeah," Sean replied. "It's like..."

"Insert tab A into slot B?" 

They both giggled. 

"I could talk to you for 12 uninterrupted hours and never run out of things to say," Sean said contentedly, his fingers carding gently through Elijah's hair.

"You could talk to ANYONE for 12 uninterrupted hours and never run out of things to say," Elijah replied, still giggling.

"Hey!" Sean complained. "Don't mock the afflicted! I can't help it that I'm Irish."

"You kiss the Blarney Stone?"

"Nah, just born this way."

Elijah lifted his head and once again gazed into Sean's eyes. "I knew you'd come," he said softly. "I knew you'd be here if I called."

"Of course I'll be here when you call. Jesus, Elijah. Is there any part of you that doubts that?"

Elijah shook his head. "No. There isn't. I just hate putting it on you, that's all. I don't like knowing that my needing you ends up causing you pain."

Sean's hand moved to cradle Elijah's face, his thumb caressing the arc of Elijah's cheekbone. "Promise me," he whispered. "Promise me that you'll never, EVER let that stop you."

"I HAVE let it stop me," Elijah told him. 

"Please don't ever let it again," Sean begged him. "Listen. You may be right. There may be elements of pain and sadness connected with us being together like this. But there's also joy, Elijah. And that joy is ten thousand times stronger than the sadness. That part is fleeting. But the joy never goes away. It sustains me when we're apart more than you could ever know. Please, Elijah. Promise me that you'll always, ALWAYS call me."

Elijah felt his eyes burn with tears but he didn't turn away. He let Sean see his eyes fill and overflow. He marveled at this relationship. This one friendship - this one friend - who had never failed him through the long years since New Zealand. _Bittersweet_ , Elijah thought. _He and I are the very essence of bittersweet._

"I can't promise I'll _always_ call," Elijah said, his voice thick with tears. "But I do promise that I'll call, Seanie. I don't think I could stop myself even though I know that it might hurt you. I love you, Sean. That's the part that resists reaching out to you. But I need you too. And that's the part that picks up the phone even knowing how it may affect us."

"I need to know I can still make you feel safe," Sean said softly. "I need to know you'll let me do that for you. God, Elijah, that means more to me than you could know." He laughed shortly. "The Sam in me I guess. That's probably why I drove here doing 90 the whole way."

"You said you weren't home when I called!" Elijah accused with a grin.

"Yeah? Well, I lied. Didn't want you to know how eager I was to see you."

"To see me and make me feel safe again."

"To see you and make you feel whatever you needed to feel."

"They say that nothing is ever completely safe," Elijah told him with a gentle smile. "But when I'm with you like this I find that terribly hard to believe. Nothing can touch me in _this_ world, Seanie. Not in this world that you and I create together." 

"If you don't mind I'll take that kiss now," Sean whispered after a moment, his own voice rough with emotion.

He captured Elijah's mouth with hungry urgency that quickly changed to a gentle and lingering exploration, loving endlessly the soft caresses of their lips and tongues, feeling his whole body ache with longing. They were both breathing in shallow gasps when the kiss ended, their bodies pressed close. 

"Elijah," Sean moaned softly, his lips seeking Elijah's throat. "Please, baby, can we...."

"Yeah," Elijah whispered in reply. "We sure can."

And as they climbed the stairs together hand in hand Elijah was smiling. _There are no guarantees in life_ , he thought. _But there IS faith. And when it comes to Sean and I, that faith is always going make everything in my world right again._

__\- end -_ _


End file.
